


When The Levee Breaks

by claryharry



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 3x04, Alec and Magnus, Boyfriends, Boys In Love, Breakfast, Canon Compliant, Cooking, Domestic Boyfriends, Domestic Fluff, I'm Bad At Tagging, Idiots in Love, Kissing, Love, M/M, Malec, Protective Magnus Bane, Sad Alec Lightwood, Sad Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Shadowhunters - Freeform, Soft Kisses, Supportive Magnus Bane, and bacon!!, magnus and alec - Freeform, pancakes!!, sh 3x04, so much love, soft boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 02:05:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14226753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/claryharry/pseuds/claryharry
Summary: set directly after the 3x04 sneak peek.alec is struggling with his emotions, but magnus is there to help.





	When The Levee Breaks

**Author's Note:**

> can't believe i'm actually posting something on here 
> 
> anyway, i just had a lot of thoughts after the 3x04 sneak peek because alec was obviously incredibly emotional and about to cry so i wanted to write about it. 
> 
> please keep your hate to yourselves
> 
> dedicated to the hawyees. i love y'all! 
> 
> thanks!  
> -elle (@alecspiers)

Alec sighed and looked over his shoulder at Magnus, who was heading to the kitchen.

 _I wish he wouldn’t waste so much of his time on me,_ he thought. _I’m not worth it._

Alec never had been one to talk about his feelings or even think about them for that matter. He hadn’t really spoken a word about the emotions bottled up inside him since…well, ever. Between Valentine coming back, coming out, getting Magnus, losing Magnus, Jace dying, Jace coming back to life, Valentine dying, getting Magnus back, Magnus losing his title of high warlock, the ley lines being corrupted, a greater demon on the loose, and the Owl, it was pretty safe to say Alec had a lot of things going on in his mind.

And to top it all off, his mother was being deruned and exiled; and, they still had no idea who the Owl or the Greater Demon was.

He walked outside onto the balcony, letting the cool night air wash over him. The lights from the city were almost blinding, but Alec was used to it.

He was used to the feeling of being lost.

Useless.

Worthless.

There was a crevice in the brick that Alec made his way over to. He didn’t know if it was meant to be there or not, but he knew it would hide him from whoever came out onto the balcony, including Magnus.

He sat down, sinking lower and lower, hoping somehow the wall would just swallow him whole. The stinging behind his eyes worsened and he pulled his knees into his chest, resting his forehead between them.

The sounds of horns blaring and people yelling filled the air around him and Alec found himself wishing Magnus had his wards up so that he wouldn’t be able to hear anything. He wanted to be left alone with the sounds of his thoughts. He wanted to drown in them.

He knew there was no way he could hold back his tears any longer. He’d been doing that for too long. He never even really broke down when Magnus walked away from him because there had been too much else to focus on. The whole fate of the Shadow World was at stake then, he didn’t have time for crying.

But he had time now.

Hot tears spilled from his eyes and rolled down his cheeks. He could taste the familiar tang of salt on his lips and he took a shaky breath, forcing himself to hold back a sob.

“Alexander? Are you out here?” Magnus’s voice rang out.

Alec sat up quickly, wiping at his cheeks and hoping he could hide the fact that he was crying. He didn’t want to burden Magnus anymore than he already had. He knew deep down that Magnus wouldn’t mind, but he couldn’t help the feeling that he was always a problem.

He needed to make himself as small as possible always, so as not to get in the way of anyone else.

“Alec?”

Magnus’s footsteps got closer.

Alec pressed his back further into the brick.

_Please go back inside. Please go back inside. Please go back inside._

Magnus poked his head around the corner, his eyes immediately landing on Alec. “There you are! Come on, I made you some pancakes and bacon. I know it’s seven at night, but breakfast food always makes you happy.”

Alec didn’t answer or look at Magnus. He knew the way he was feeling would be written all over his face. Here Magnus was, trying to make him happy and all he could do was feel sorry for himself and cry.

 _I’m horrible,_ he thought.

“Alec?” Magnus questioned, obvious concern laced in his voice. “Darling? I said pancakes _and_ bacon.”

“Yeah, I’ll be there in a minute,” Alec croaked, cursing his voice for betraying him.

“Are you okay?” Magnus asked, taking a step closer.

With everything he had in him, Alec plastered a fake smile on his face and turned his head toward Magnus. He took a deep breath before he spoke again, but it was no use. “I’m fine,” he said. “Don’t worry about me.” His bottom lip started to quiver and he wanted to kick himself when his body lurched forward in a sob.

Magnus’s soft smile quickly fell into a frown and he kneeled down next to Alec. “You’re not fine,” he said and changed his position so that he was sitting down. He reached out, wrapping his arm around Alec’s broad shoulders and pulling him in close.

“No, I am. I promise I am. I’m going to come eat the pancakes and bacon and we’re going to have a nice meal. Then I’m going to let you help at the Institute like you wanted because that’s what you want. And you deserve what you want,” Alec said, his voice rising higher and higher with each sentence.

Magnus shook his head. “What I _want_ is for my very obviously not okay boyfriend to talk to me and tell me what’s going on.”

Alec let himself go. He clutched onto Magnus’s shirt and let himself heave big, ugly sobs. Magnus didn’t say anything aside from the occasional _“it’s okay”_ and _“shh”_ as he rubbed his hand up and down Alec’s arm.

By the time Alec calmed down, the noise from the streets had faded away and the traffic died down, letting him know a fair amount of time had passed. He sat up and looked at Magnus.

“Do you feel okay enough to talk now?” Magnus asked.

Alec nodded, followed by a hiccup.

Magnus smiled sadly and reached forward with his free hand to wipe the tears from Alec’s cheeks. “My pretty angel,” he said softly. “I hate seeing you cry.”

“That’s why I tried to hide. I didn’t want to upset you.”

Magnus made a noise in the back of his throat, like it physically pained him to hear those words come out of Alec’s mouth. “You don’t ever have to hide from me, do you understand? I am here for you, _always.”_

“I guess this whole situation with the Owl and Morgan on top of everything happening with Mom was just my breaking point.” Alec looked down at his lap.

“That’s completely understandable. No one expects you to hold it together all the time, Alec. Especially not me.”

Alec thought of all of the people he felt like he had to hold it together for.

_Jace._

_Izzy._

_Max._

_Mom._

_All of the Shadowhunters in New York._

He could take Magnus off of that list now.

“I love you,” Alec stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Magnus leaned in, capturing Alec’s lips with his own. He didn’t mind the salty taste of tears or the chapped texture. Kissing Alec always felt like a gift to him, something he had to cherish and hold close to his heart.

“I love you, too,” Magnus whispered and kissed Alec again. “Now, let me feed you.”

“Yes, sir,” Alec said, the traces of a smile starting to appear on his face.

Magnus stood up first, holding his hand out for Alec.

Alec accepted it gratefully and let himself be pulled up. He laughed and stumbled into Magnus, their heads bumping together for a moment.

As they walked inside and the smell of breakfast filled Alec’s nose, he realized that as long as he had this, he would be okay.


End file.
